What Is Schizophrenia Like?

we got in just when you think it stops it just starts up again yeah I’m ready for it to be done [Applause] today we’re doing a simulation of hearing voices I have never done anything like this before I’m doing the simulation today for my brother he was diagnosed with schizophrenia recently I have a few family members who have dealt with schizophrenia I’d like to understand how big the gulf is between the way I experience the world and the way someone with schizophrenia would experience the world my name is autumn and I’m schizophrenic I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2015 I can particularly identify two different voices from my past one is a kind of raspy masculine deep dark voice that usually says my name multiple times and another voice usually tells me to go different places I’ve heard up to five different voices at one time all talking about different subjects and crowding my head in chaos it is already hard enough for people suffering with schizophrenia to deal with it every single day try to understand our situation and how it might be from our point of view I guess I’m expecting a new understanding I’m feeling a little nervous about this I gotta say I hope it provides a different perspective I see stop it now look at it eyes are everywhere no good that’s right absolutely I’m gonna start the auditory hallucination simulator and then just try to do some basic household chores I just started and I got to say it’s really creepy I was gonna try to put away some dishes but I can’t really focus there’s a lot of whisper there’s a lot of oh my gosh this is really creepy I’m like ten minutes in right now and it’s seriously like terrifying I mean I only take Seles and the know like the sorry I can’t think I know it’s a simulation and I know I could take the headphones off at any time but I’m determined to keep them on at the same time very freaked out it’s hard to articulate now I really feel like I can’t get sentences out oh one of them just told me I’m disgusting I tried going for a walk to kind of pass the time I gotta say being like outside in an environment that isn’t where I live that I can’t really control fully it’s a even more terrifying as I’m seeing all of this I’m listening through all this and I’m kind of just experiencing how hard it is to put sentences together how it is to talk or explain or do anything I mean I know it’s a simulation but some of the cruelty really resonates really good some okay so I’m just lying in bed now it’s the only thing that feels comfortable it’s just lying in total darkness I’m ready to be done finished the auditory hallucination simulator about five minutes ago I feel like I still hear it I just did a short meditation here at home I would not have been able to do that with the audio on at all and it takes a lot to listen through the voices so it’s the next day some of the more cruel phrases like you eat shit or you stink you hear it over and over and over and over and over again and it starts to really affect you and wore me out I do feel closer to my brother now this was a great eye opening experience I still would not willingly go through something like that again it’s allowed me to sort of access that empathy for them it’s our job to learn what if I could say anything to people who do not have schizophrenia I would just like to tell them to not judge others so harshly we are mostly just misunderstood we are able to make a living we are able to raise families and I hope that one day everyone in the world is able to see that [Music]

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